Winning and losing: it's an inside job

Back when I was reading Kessler's The End of Overeating, I became acutely aware of that small moment of decision, when I am about to eat something I know is not healthy. I wanted to be more aware of my inner dialogue, and how I kept derailing my dieting efforts. I wanted to tune in to what I say to justify my choices.  You know, those "sabotaging" thoughts, that "devil" that is whispering (or yelling) into one of my ears. I decided to not do much other than observe. It was very interesting to hear what I say to myself when I am craving something. I can be very willfull and defiant. Other times, I may hear a mellower tone, kind of a "go with the flow," "if it feels good do it" voice. Rationalization's always been one of my strong suits.

The whole point of this exploration is to do things differently this time.  I am willing to take more time this time, so I can find a solution that will work for me for a lifetime of temptations.

A few years ago, I heard about Laurel Mellin's work and her book The Solution.  She was definitely on to some of what makes people get themselves into trouble with food and excess body weight.  The emotional component is a big one.  Developing an awareness of what I'm feeling in relation to what I am driven to eat is certainly important.  I know that when I dive into binging behaviors, there are always strong feelings associated with them, even if I choose to ignore this reality.  The problem with The Solution was that Mellin's approach was a LOT of work, and I wasn't ready to invest my time in the work.  She's now expanded into The Pathway, and Emotional Brain Training (EBT), to take on more than just food issues.  I imagine she's helped many people with her work.

As I begin to synthesize the various messages I have received -- through self-observation; my explorations of theories and approaches; my many attempts at dieting (both successful and un-); my hit-and-miss approach to exercise; the new science that's out there about food: craving and reward; about our own biological evolution in relation to feast and famine; the crazy variety and availability of food; along with the statistics on the growing girth of the population and all the avoidable disease that accompanies it... Oy. That's a lot to process.

I have decided to give Judith Beck's version of the solution a try.  Rather than Mellin's EBT, I'm going to go for Beck's CBT -- Cognitive Behavior Therapy.  Again, a fair amount of work, a definite commitment of my time, but I feel it's do-able.  At some point, I'll fold in my eTools from Weight Watchers to track what I'm eating.  I'll also incorporate insights from The Instinct (or "I") Diet, by Susan Roberts.  I want to train my brain to crave healthier stuff!  I'll also apply what has motivated me from John Ratey's Spark about the many payoffs that come with exercise.

But I'll take my time... as they say, it's an "inside job."  Slow and steady wins the race...

Feeling optimistic

I was invited to have some pizza today.  I politely refused.  My friend asked "are you still a Lenten vegan?"  Yes, I am.  Day 3.  I just had a veggie sandwich with Nayonaise.  It was good.  I am feeling a little more hopeful that this is do-able.  I got some almond milk last night.  The woman who was checking me out (my groceries, I mean) said that she and her husband drink almond milk.  I asked: "vegan?" She answered: "my husband is.  I'm trying to be..."  I wondered aloud: "have you lost any weight?"  She replied "15 pounds."  Well.  Fifteen.  My resolve to give veganism a go just got a serious boost. 

 Today, I am not only still living the vegan way of life, I'm back to tracking.  Wow, a tablespoon of Nayonaise is only one point!  That's exciting!  (We WW vegans are easily amused.)  Jeepers, with most veggies and fruits at zero points, this could really be interesting!  Hmmm... I recall a cheeseless pizza I loved, back in my omnivorian days.  It's delicious.  It's legal!  You don't even miss the cheese.  I could have it right now!  By golly, I just might do that!  I think I need to take a drive...

Try it, you'll like it!

SuZ Creamcheez

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm already having my doubts about this vegan business.  I mean, I love LOVE milk and I prefer to add half 'n' half to my coffee, and I'm fond of real omelettes with eggs and cheese, and I can't imagine a world without cream cheese!  Cream cheese: I love it on my bagel with lox, I love it in spinach dip, I love it with pepper jelly on crackers, I love it globbed on my finger.  And what about feta, pepper jack, aged cheddar, Jarlsberg, brie and cambozola? 

When I look on the labels of stuff I think is "safe," it'll have chicken broth or something that's a vegan no-no.  Yesterday, I was reading recipes for vegan cooking and they call for vegan versions of meat, cheese, mayo, and more.  When I think of a lifetime of giving up the real stuff, of never having a juicy beef burger or a fish taco or a chicken enchilada or creamed eggs on toast with those little bacon bits, I get kinda queasy and awfully anxious.  Can woman live on tempeh and tofu and beans for a lifetime?  Well, yes, I'll answer that, augmented with lots of yummy fruits, veggies, nuts, oils and grains... yes she can.  Okay, but would she want to?

Dadgummit, I'm gonna try this, as an experiment.  Not so much with the idea that I'll turn vegan for a lifetime.  But maybe I can be more vegan when this is all over, or at least approaching vegetarian.  I really don't eat enough fruits and veggies.  When I was caring for a patient in the ICU a while back, his doctor kept talking about The China Study.  He was passionate about it.  He'd say "if you only read one book, read The China Study."  He believed that diet was the main cause of disease.  Anyway, I know that if I took its message to heart, I'd probably end up being a vegan.  That much I know.  But... but...

Oh... I LOVE eggs benedict... Look, it's a kiwi! and spinach!

Viva Las Vegans

I've never given something up for Lent before, but this year, I've decided that I'm going to give up animal products in my diet for the next 40 days.  Dietary veganism.  Why?  Reading recent posts on my cupcake craze careening out of control, my Catholic friend suggested I give something up.  At this point, I need serious motivation to do something radically different in my diet.

On The Season of Lent, it's explained "In many countries, the last day before Lent (called Mardi Gras, Shrove Tuesday, Carnival, or Fasching) has become a last fling before the solemnity of Lent. For centuries, it was customary to fast by abstaining from meat during Lent, which is why some people call the festival Carnival, which is Latin for farewell to meat."

I know that Lent is also the time to take stock.  So I will, as long as it's vegetable stock.

Yesterday, I celebrated Mardi Gras ("Fat Tuesday") by fixing myself a chocolate chip pancake and sucking down coconut cream custard, squeezing it straight out of the corner of a plastic storage bag.  Slurp!  I guess what I need is to say farewell to sugar, and I plan to, but why not throw meat in there, too?  Especially since lately I've combined meat and sugar in a variety of selections -- orange chicken, Beijing beef, super yummy sweet spicy stuff like that. Deep fried to boot. Oy.

Heck, I'll throw in eggs, cheese, milk, and butter, too.  It beats fasting, right?

So vegan lifestyle, here I come (at least until April 23)!  Stay tuned for a lot more on veganism...

Keeping track

For successful weight loss, I've learned it's critically important to have an awareness of what I'm doing each day.  Otherwise, I kind of get lost and return to my former bad habits.  The times I've lost weight most successfully were when I kept track of what I ate.  There are lots of food diaries and trackers available these days.  I'm a Lifetime Member* of Weight Watchers (WW) and I've gotten used to its etools, so that's where I do my tracking.  It's a program that's worked for me, both in terms of flexibility and usability.  Its online food tracker and recipe builder are well-designed.

Here are a few other great options I've found:

Changing my relationship with food

I love pizza.  I'd marry it if I could.  Seriously, pizza's one of my greatest temptations.  It's also really unhealthy, and that really bums me out.  Portion control?  Come on.  Just one slice?!

The first resolution on my New Year's list is to change my relationship with food.  I have to.  It's arguably the single most important thing I can do.  It's also one of the most confoundingly difficult things to start and then sustain.

When I first set out to select some of the links in the right column, under "thought for food," I planned to feature some of my favorite books on nutritious, healthy eating.  I also wanted to include a newsletter I love, one my nutrition teacher (now friend) turned me on to.  It's called Nutrition Action Health Letter, published by Center for Science in the Public Interest.  I always learn a lot about nutrition, healthy choices, and processed foods from it.  There's not a single ad in it, either.  Then I remembered how much I love reading what Michael Pollan has to say, so I wanted to include links to some of his writings.  Before long, I got really worked up and decided that it's not enough to change my personal relationship with food.  It's bigger than that.